Letter from us - your body
We have carried you through each time. We're resilient. We aren't blaming you. We love you and yet, you haven't been able to hear that. You haven't been able to feel that.
The thing is, for a long time - longer than you think - you've been punishing us. We've tried to get you to react many times and you've been sorry but you've gone back.
I know that you've gone through this cycle before. You feel bad - so bad. Then, you go back and WHAM, we get slammed again.
It's like you can't feel happiness - goodness - for yourself. So it feels better to be struggling, hurting, being almost alive.
To have the experience of "feeling good" hurts so much and on such a deep level that your reflex is to put the dial back to pain and therefore anxiety, simmering rage and victim hood.
We get it, you had to survive as a little girl and this is the best coping that you created. You took yourself to countless hours - over decades - of therapy and managed to develop better coping skills. Yet, in the midst of it all, you still have to live life.
It's like trying to change the battery in a car - while it's still moving.
The thing is, we feel it too. Whatever impulse you answer to cope with triggers, it affects us and it becomes more difficult to heal. Some of us gradually become damaged. This is what concerns us the most. You see, we work as a team but we have to handle where you lead us.
We love you very much. We want you to love us too. We need you to work with us because as you are important, so are we.
We need each other. Feeling good can be an awesome virtuous cycle. Let us teach you.
Just don't let go.